You know, I think that sometimes I take such a long break or lose my will to post is because I feel like all I do is whine. Seriously. I was raised with the 'stop complaining/crying and buck up!' mentality. So instead of sharing, I tend to head the polar opposite way and just clam up.
Well, Father's Day has come and gone (thank GOD)... I always feel a bit guilty about not wanting to even acknowledge that particular day... after all, I still have that "he's my dad" thing going on in my head.. you know?
What's even stranger is that I still see my parents. It's hard for me to act "normal" around them.. especially when I'm trying to purge myself of all this abuse garbage. I sometimes feel like I'm just a glutton for punishment and that somehow.. I enjoy the 'walking on eggshells' feeling I STILL to this day get.. otherwise, I'd tell them to piss off and I'd move on.
I don't know if I'm willing to do that just yet... whether or not that's because I'm still emotionally immature or because I'm foolishly holding on to hope that we can all heal and move on.
Knowing that all of us will eventually die and then things that are said and revealed.. will fall upon deaf ears... but really.. what's the difference between someone being dead and someone being in denial?