I love them now - Ham and beans

While I'm not one to say that one thing is more horrible than another, I know that all experiences when lumped together, make a big picture. If that doesn't make sense, I apologize now for it's early and I'm trying to squeeze out a post before kids are up, before work and most importantly... before coffee. This could prove to be, less than enlightening.

Do you remember something your mom (or dad) fixed for dinner when you were a kid that you hated? I know I do, but on one occassion, that one thing turned into a week long ordeal.

I want to say that this to me, is one of those parental faux pas. Meaning, I really believe this is something that any parent could do in "punishment" or to prove a point... but perhaps NOT to this extreme. I myself, was blessed with a picky eater and while I may save something for another try for another meal... well... let's just say I wouldn't go this far.

Again, I was around 6 years of age and my mother had fixed ham and beans AND cornbread for dinner. I wasn't what I would have called a picky eater, for when you got really picky, you'd run into unwanted attention, so I tried to mind my p's and q's and just choke down whatever was presented because I didn't want the attention. I was perfectly happy to fade into nothingness.

Now, I had never had ham and beans before this. They smelled awful. I do remember that much. My mother placed a steaming bowl full of them in front of me at the table, alongside sat a wedge of cornbread with butter on it.

I kind of turned my nose up at it, just because of the smell. I twirled it around with my spoon and my father sat to my right and gave me the look of, "You had better eat that, or there will be hell to pay..." so I took a couple of spoonfuls and started eating.

Immediately, I started gagging and choking. I don't know if it was the thought or the smell? I still to this day, don't know what made me gag like that.. but I assure anyone reading this... it wasn't because I was trying to be a smartass. Although my father thought I was.

Apparently, to keep a person from choking on food, the Heimlich used to be performed by whacking someone upside the head. I got this 'treatment' three times. So now not only was I choking but I was crying AND choking and dropping beans from my mouth, one at a time. I remember the thought running through my head, "You'd better stop or he's going to get madder..."

I was right. The more I cried, the harder I got hit. Repeatedly.

Finally, my mother intervened and sent me to my room. I only remember lying down and wishing I could go live somewhere else.

Next thing I remember... I woke up and ran downstairs. I was starving!

What sat at my place at the table?

You guessed it.

Cold ham and beans. This time, with ketchup on it.

My stomach turned and I could feel the hot sting of tears rise up inside of my eyes.. although I was determined not to let one tear drop.

My dad sat there and instructed me to, "Sit your ass down and eat thos G.D. beans! You are NOT getting anything else to eat until those. G.D. beans are gone!"

It took me a week - 6 days - of gagging and choking to eat all those beans... and he was right. I didn't get anything else to eat until I finished them.




It's amazing to me now, that I can eat ham and beans. I will say that I was almost 30 years old before I could even entertain the idea of eating them....