Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Wow.. I really internalize things way too much

It's times like these, that I really can't stand myself. If I had the means to, I'd punch myself square in the face until I passed out, because I can't stand to be around people like me and I HATE being like THIS.

I read something and immediately turn that into a, "Why don't they like me" or basically a pity party for myself. I constantly measure myself against others and I turn into this needy... UGH! I can't stand it!

Seriously. I wonder if I'm ever going to be NORMAL and stop being a blubbering idiot that wears her heart on her sleeve. I wish I could be tougher and not some sniveling weenie.. which is what I feel like. I feel weak, undeserving and foolish.

6 comments:

Shiv said...

*hugs*
You are not any of those bad things you've described hun. I know it may be hard to believe right now, so you'll just have to take my word for it :)

In the meantime (((BIGHUGS)))
~Shiv

Tory said...

Don't we all feel that way? Just sayin..I'm exactly who I hate too! I love the visual of you trying to punch yourself into a coma..lol. Me too!!
Try and have a good day and don't be so hard on yourself.
Tory

Karen ^..^ said...

Trust me, the way you feel about yourself is in no way the person people see. I have always wondered what people thought of the sniveling pathetic weak fainthearted person I perceived myself to be, but as it turns out, EVERYONE has their own set of insecurities about themselves, and what they feel is not what they show the world. You don't either.

You just happen to be more honest about what is inside you than most people. That is not a bad thing. It is just completely the opposite of what society teaches us to do. Society wants us to hide our true selves, to pretend, to be phonies, to care too much what people think of us. I am only just now getting it, that to go against society and what it wants of us is what will ultimately give us true peace and inner contentment.

Society sucks. It causes way too much angst.

Jillian said...

Well you know I like you. Also, I gotta agree with that other commenters are saying. We are our own worst enemies and critics.

I spiral down into an "God, I suck" mode quite frequently, but I embrace it. I ride it out, say how I feel, cry, whatever makes me feel better.

Anyways, just know that *I* think you're normal. You're like the rest of us... just trying to find a bit of peace.

Jillian said...

with what***

Ahh.. lovely lovely typos.

Fran said...

Hoping you feel better Michelle, I feel down when I read this topic, Take Care of you, you're not the person you have described.
Try to love yourself.
Hopinjg hearing from you soon !
Loev and Big huGsssssssssss
Fran